Moving on [Monday Oct 1st, 2007 at 4:02am] [ music | Two More Years - Bloc Party ] Stone among stones Things

Rainy day, Monday. [Monday Oct 1st, 2007 at 2:57am] Allow me; Need to be next to you; come pick me up. Torn. Clarity. I am an accident, I am a victim, I could not write for myself Play me your harmonicas. Let me be your flute. Things

Forlorn [Monday Oct 1st, 2007 at 2:29am] Adamantly I headed for that road which I do not seldom seek There found grief and joy and pain and laughter, torn asunder There I found you This must be a test of which I must fight Harness my harnesses! Equip my shoulders with blades of might Shall I trample upon those of them plight Strongly, securely, I am my black knight. Constant vigilance Faithless delays, glorious days. Selectively, loosely, dishearteningly procuring I forget a myriad of things Things

Almost there [Thursday Sep 27th, 2007 at 4:36pm] Brevity. Bravery. Come to think of it. Both do apply! ... Frozen that I was, I have been submerged in a pool of boiling oil, now being fried outside-in. Then a friend said, come to think of it: if right now you are being fried, in a few months you'd be well done! And you'd be ready for almost anything. Dang that got me. Things

I quit [Wednesday Sep 26th, 2007 at 6:09pm] [ mood | Searching ] IT'S TIME FOR GREENER PASTURES! Work, I mean. They say if you land on a position that a lot are vying for, hold on to it. Nurture it, aim for growth. However, one may not value it as much as another would. To each his own, right. Right; because I didn't find it here in this place. I have tried to tame it with familiarity but it answered back with a scowl, and then scraping the skin of my back raw just when I turned for a quick look behind. Brevity is actually a malpractice of showing how weak you are, now I realized. Weak, in the true sense that you are not admitting the fact that you can't, or maybe, that it just isn't for you, unlike everyone else you know. Hey, because you are not everyone. The more you try to show that you can, the deeper you are swallowed up by misjudgement. I don't know. I should've listened right from the start. Some things are not worth fighting for. So, I will now vie for freedom. 1 Thing replace/sThings

Beer. Everyone needs beer. [Sunday Sep 2nd, 2007 at 9:22pm] When word got around the office that my contract was to be terminated at the end of the month, people started buzzing. When I started with work about three months ago (which felt like a year, shit) that's the stuff I wanted to avoid. People huddling and buzzing. But you know the longer you get immersed by the whole scenario- the uptight boss, the work pressure, you have to realize it is a cutthroat world and you do what you have to do. People become sharks. They eat you alive if you don't fight back. So, you fight back. And I'm staying. Hehe. I'd like to admit that it took me a lot of raking for courage to defend myself. And when I did, damn it felt nice. Damn, it wasn't so hard after all: when you know your reasons, when you don't have bad intentions. Fuck schemers! But you can't blame them. Power. Money. Survival. In the end, you bear your own reasons. Have them. And me too, I'd like to keep mine. The nature of this work I belong in is insanity.  You work day and night and get underpaid. You work day and night only to realize it won't be built. You work day and night, and it's not enough. You work day and night, you work day and night. My life needs regularity, but not too much of this kind. Haha. Okay I just realized I'm taking this work thing too seriously. I mean, argh, I know I don't have to be so involved. ... I need a sideline. Recently I've been spending too much with treating myself, rationalizing with all the work I go through during weekdays. NEED. INCREASE. REVENUE. OR ELSE. HAVE. TO. STOP. SPENDING. And... blah. for the third time I ran into my boss, outside the office, while I'm out enjoying the weekend. What are the odds! Shit man he's haunting me. He doesn't even have to try so hard. Yay, it's September. Virgos, unite! Haha. Things

There goes the thin line [Friday Aug 24th, 2007 at 1:55pm] Although we humans have an idea of so-called perfection, we are not meant to possess it. Yes, we can work around it to our advantage and fulfillment, but there is no need to BE it. Things

Coping with missing my life [Sunday Aug 19th, 2007 at 9:17pm] Manbee and I turned one year last week. We were so pressed to make a good day out of it considering I'm sort of supposed to be doing something else and well, one year is one year. We ended up having a good, quiet meal and hanging out at a park where my parents got married. Nobody goes to parks anymore. There are parks in malls yes, but never plain, old parks with stray pigeons and old portals and walls we can walk on. The whole scenario reminds me of Great Expectations. Haha. It's cheese alright. Anyway. I'm no way going to ennumerate my shitty experiences at work already. I've ranted and sulked about them long enough and now i've come to acceptance. Haha. It happens to everyone in one point or another and this just happens to be my story. Like Meredith Grey puts it- it's painful, but not hard. Huh-hah. I don't understand why girls wear cheap leather sandals on rainy stormy days. And they fold their pants up to their calves and try to dry their feet/legs with tissue. It's just impossible to get by with. I want cute rainboots just so when I'm on my way to office on a rainy morning I could traipse down Ayala and Salcedo with it and the rest of my weatherproof ensemble while listening to Hoppipolla. Then I won't have to worry about getting my feet wet and sneaky creepers. 2 Things replace/sThings

07 07 07 blues (Oh, no wait, it's 07 08 07 already) [Sunday Jul 8th, 2007 at 12:51am] I lost my wallet in the most anti-climactic way, inexplicably -misplacing- it on a night's duration of a birthday dinner at a friend's house and a car ride. I'm talking about the wallet that has "held millions" according to Mum. Haha. Huhu. What's most painful is that a bunch of cards are there, including my college ID, alumni cards, my gym membership card which took me months of wait!!, ATM card, a stored value card, and a few crunchy 5-peso bills. Ack, and how I thought 07 07 07 would be one fine day. Sucks. Anyway. Manbee has replaced my now-broken flash drive with a nifty one, after a week of having to e-mail files to myself for take-home work. He's an excruciatingly practical geek like that; getting me a pair of speakers after mine broke, headphones AFTER MINE BROKE, Claudio the turtletimepiece (well, after I gave him a turtle thing too), and now Mervin the flash drive AFTER MINE BROKE. He's not the type who comes in with a bouquet of flowers for surprise, like most men. I don't know, he makes my ears flap with cheese, still. ..and we just started a few episodes of Gen-1 Transformers, him almost delirious of childhood nostalgia. Got so giddy about drawing details, and man, the choreography of it all. Aghhhh I can't take it any longerrrr = KILIG. ASSEMBLE THE STRIKE FORCE! Like they say, geek is the new cool. Geeks are taking over the world. Muhahaha (Megatron-ly). ...well how am I, really? I'm still struggling about making work un-consume me. In this field, setting the thin line between work and life is a psychological emotional drama. It's like telling Meredith Grey to refrain from going emo over granting his dying patient's last wish. Or maybe the comparison is just wrong haha. Whatever. It's time someone produce a marketable story of the heartbreaking life of an architect. Howard-Dominique, istatchu? Pitt - Gehry, istatchu? ..I am also one of the millions who are happy that the Spice Girls are back together for a world tour. I am sooo eyeing on that Hong Kong concert. SAY YOU'LL BE THERE! Ayei! Ngork. Nakakahiya na hahaha. Urk. D-oh. Wa. W00t. 2 Things replace/sThings

Bang, bang [Sunday Jul 1st, 2007 at 3:53pm] [ music | My Baby Shot Me Down by Nancy Sinatra ] I had my first taste of my boss's infamous rage last Friday. I wanted to walk out on him just so I could stop hearing his voice, but I didn't. I was afraid of his voice, yes, and moreso the words that came out of his mouth. I was afraid he made sense, and that I'm missing out on it. But I'm more afraid that once I walk out that door, I am walking out on the bitter but necessary part of my professional career. It is a lesson of humility, everyone. Shit man, life is not that easy. 1 Thing replace/sThings

Teehee. [Sunday Jun 24th, 2007 at 5:10pm] I was digging through old photos when Axelle Pabellano (6/24/2007 5:00:37 PM): This photo makes me cringe but it's sweet Axelle Pabellano (6/24/2007 5:01:06 PM): And dang, you know I couldn't find that pair of earrings na Michael Cheng (6/24/2007 5:03:12 PM): hi res pala Michael Cheng (6/24/2007 5:03:21 PM): nagtataka ako bat matagal Michael Cheng (6/24/2007 5:03:31 PM): patapos n naman Michael Cheng (6/24/2007 5:03:42 PM): oh noes baka kita pores k lol Axelle Pabellano (6/24/2007 5:04:17 PM): LOL that sounded gay Haha. Wala lang. Things

Yup, I sell shoes now. [Sunday Jun 24th, 2007 at 4:47pm] It's annoying that Shoe Salon did not replace the pair of shoes I recently bought. I'm usually a size 6 with shoes, but during the fitting this particular pair felt size 5 was for me. After a day's worth of use, I realized I needed a size 6 after all. Apparently, they do not accept used items even when returned within 7 days of purchase and with no damage whatsoever. So, shit happens. Anyway. This pair is brand Grendha, a division of Grendene Brasil, one of the leading footwear manufacturers in the world. Made of PVC, they're ultra comfortable for walking and one doesn't have to worry about foot odor. ;) Plus, they're easy to clean- just with soap and water, they dry fast. They're perfect for casual and office wear. If only I had the right size I wouldn't have to let go of them :| ( The shoes. ) I got them for 1600 pesos and I'd give them for 1000. Great bargain, right? Anyone? 1 Thing replace/sThings

People are fragile things [Saturday Jun 9th, 2007 at 9:58am] [ music | Munich by Editors ] I can go on and on about some details of events in the office, but the gist of it is nothing but politics. I can shrug it off now because I am not inside that particular circle of happenings but when you're actually "outside", you hopefully see the bigger picture...and inevitably, calculate judgments. Within yourself, it's impossible to stay neutral. It's either black or white, never gray. Say, screw it, I haven't come for this and that. But hey, welcome yourself to the misanthropic realm of life. You're bound to get involved. You're human, and humanity is like that. High school, college, now what, work. In these stages in my life I have met, spent time, and in time molded the best relationships with people who are hated, criticized, called crazy. These people are geniuses (genii? haha.) in their own way. Admittedly, they are the ones who bring me to the best realizations. And I am happy. Not once have I come to that bitter resolution of regretting the minute I have chosen to choose. Luckily, in choosing, I am, not once, ridiculed. (OR SO YOU THINK, AXELLE!) Maybe, I do have the so-called glory if being gray after all. Whatever, man. Right now I couldn't ask for anything more. I am amused, things are seemingly coming to the charming third. Hu, hah. Something glorious is about to happen. Thank God it's Saturday. Things

For taste [Wednesday May 30th, 2007 at 8:11pm] I have never felt so young, naive, careless. I make such sloppy lines that don't mean relations and planes with no connections. They boast of colors but seldom, honesty. Oh how I'm learning humility. I want my walls to speak to me, and them to speak with each of their kind. I want them elite, with voices, never stopped by doors nor windows. I want fidelity. I want perception. ....blah. Things

Woo. What have I done right? [Saturday May 26th, 2007 at 10:38am] Among many other things that happened during the first week at my new office, I rode my boss's Range Rover and it felt uh, cool. Haha. With my boss, along with a colleague who happens to have set apparently a controversial reputation into his first month there (AKHH, office politics. Noooo), I was off to visit my project site, my first residential design for an English guy and his Pinay girlfriend. Seriously at first, I was blown away, almost stunned. Blown away by the RR, the site visit, or Ed Calma- that I'm not sure. On the way to the site at a village down south, it was rather intimidating though interesting to hear Ed Calma's ramblings about the possibilities of architecture. I mean, what can I say? AYEI! AYEI! in my head. What have I done right? Hi to the Guy up there! I've been talking non-stop like a fangirl that I'm driving my boyfriend nuts with my stories. Wa. ...but I digress. That's another, uh, matter. After the site visit, I discovered it wasn't just that. We met up with his friend engineer for dinner at some nearby mall. Shit, the idea of sitting with three licensed professionals, MALES at that, I'm such a little girl. Fine, tell me to be an asshole to asshole contractors, ai sir! I can do that! Exhaustion is the end of every day at office, but I'm loving every minute. The place, the exposure, the mentorship. Oooooo. And it's just the first week. Bring it on, babeh. Things

Tiny I's inside my head [Saturday May 19th, 2007 at 11:45am] I'm starting with a new office this Monday. I'm having a bittersweet feeling about leaving the old office. I'm happy for making healthy relationships with the people there. There's a nearby branch of my gym along the street of my office, maybe I should start maximizing my membership. My 8-year wallet has retired, been replaced it with Mom's, which according to her, has held millions to count already. I want to color my hair. Where can I buy a good spork? I want one. I miss listening to music- doing just that, and not while at work, not while I'm doing something else. I don't like the idea of Claire Danes playing Yvaine. Maybe I should start making time for myself, 'cause I'm starting to lose me. 3 Things replace/sThings

Woebegone summer, be gone! [Monday Apr 30th, 2007 at 10:45pm] Huhuhu, why can't I have albums of beachy sunny photos like theirs. I want to go out this asdfghjkl2sleikqertrlk city huhuhu woe is me. Things

Growing Pains [Saturday Apr 7th, 2007 at 9:35pm] Tonight I'm wishing I was vacationing outside Metro Manila, doesn't matter where, as long as I'm out far. It's Holy Week mode and I've grown tired of 7th Heaven Nth Season marathons. For me, aside from the fact that Jesus died on the cross and redeemed the world and stuff..., this week's a mere long break from work and I could use some quiet time, privacy, cool breeze. But it's not happening. Yikes. Work. After this week I'd be starting. I applied a bit too early I think; I didn't expect I'd be hired immediately haha. I'm having the freshman jitters and it's not the best feeling, eh. I've always disliked being the newbie-- unsurety, inevitable diffidence, making the necessary mistakes, not to mention, being given the bulk of work everyone avoids. The firm I'm working with is a manpower of three. I have one Senior Architect as the boss, one co-worker who's colorblind and another who's fresh off the Licensure Exams. Things are looking up for the firm, the boss says. There are a few big proposals to work on and some pending work to finish. My timing seems perfectly fine. Hehe, I seem to have made a good impression with my CV; the boss is offering me pay comparable to the other Juniors when they were starting BUTIT'SNOTHIGHPAYITELLYOU. Who cares. My parents care haha. Anyhow. But the most major thing to do is well, do well.. but I'm scared! What's cool is is that I'm the only girl in the office. Haha. It can be an advantage, girls should know hehe. It boosts my confidence that way and at the same time weakens my bones. I feel so naive in the office, fuck, there's so much to learn. The office is in Makati; I never thought I'd be working there. I've always pictured myself working in a Basement atmosphere haha joyous in all its glowing obscurity. I am a less-than-minimum wager with work hours set on a regular 9-5 basis but well, the difference is I get to do Site work, working drawings, and a chance at designing! Harrr. For starters, skipping the CAD Monkey phase is fair compensation. My boss looks and seems nice. He has salt and pepper hair haha and is a smooth talker- defined by years of practice and experience. He could be a good mentor. My co-workers are okay too, I guess. I think I've been given a pretty much decent chance at progress here. I hope I don't screw up. Manbee will be working nearby, theoretically. He's been offered work incessantly by his thesis adviser ever since mid-part of the last semester and all he has to do is show up. I do hope though he gets good exposure there too and get first-hand work with projects and not just presentation drawings. The office I'll be working with could be a good, if not the best work environment for us, but I don't want him to be in the same office. Hehe. The short distance between our offices is not an advantage for spending lunch breaks together. Mcdonald's is the nearest place we could meet up and dine, and I refuse to walk a few blocks just to get there. I do hope though that he'd pick me up after work. If it's not too much to ask. Hehe. Dang. Speaking of walking, I gotta invest on a lot of rubber soled flats because I cannot for the life of me afford another scenario with the ground. Oh yeah, Manbee brought me to a gaming day with his geek friends. Now this gaming does not entail a crowded room of computers and banshees of the male gender screaming expletives. Gaming includes tabletop RPGs, board games. Think of it as manually playing Baldur's Gate II- THACOs, saving throws and armor classes decided by throwing combinations of 10-sided die, and dang it just doesn't end there. Ooooo. It takes a lot of character and wit to sustain this kind of hobby, and I guess they're interesting (and turn-ons haha) that way. They're amusing to watch and listen to, but honestly, it's just not my cup of tea. I currently have a huge canker sore and everytime I chew on food or yawn or smile or do something else with my mouth hehe it feels like hell. Google says canker sores are caused by fatigue or stress which downs the immune system, therefore making the body prone to bacteria and viruses. BLAH. I wish it'd just go away. 6 Things replace/sThings

Piece by piece [Friday Mar 2nd, 2007 at 12:47am] [ mood | Scared. ] Some things may be crumbling but others shall find their way to commencement. It's in the natural order of things. Things

The six letter word [Wednesday Feb 28th, 2007 at 7:58pm] Yuh. My closet is a mess, I couldn't maintain order in my drawers. I stopped wearing (so-called) funky ensembles. I no longer go to UP for film viewings, and I stopped doing random mixes for friends who think Sufjan Stevens is a member of some cult. Shite. There must be something going on. Things

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